When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
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Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
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