You don't have asthma, your pregnant
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
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