I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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