Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
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he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I lick assholes and I wouldn't eat mdma
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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