I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
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Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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