dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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