Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I just had a legitimate orgy. Wearing glowsticks.
Randomize