If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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