apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
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Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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