Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize