What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
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I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
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