I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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