youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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