I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
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I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
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