can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
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