everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
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