I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize