Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
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because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
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And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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