how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
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dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
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I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
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