I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
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