I hate your face
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
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Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
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