i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
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I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
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I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
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