I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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