Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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