weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Randomize