I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
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