i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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