if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
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