I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
I checked into jail on foursquare
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
Randomize