didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
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I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
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My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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