I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
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