The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
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