just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I just gift wrapped bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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