Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Randomize