your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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