Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
Stoner thoughts are the only thoughts I want to have now.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize