I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
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I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
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She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
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