god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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