3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Congratulations, your dick has been selected to participate in my birthday sex. Please reply with a response.
Do I have a choice?
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Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
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