East Village: Only place you can play pac man while eating a pineapple hotdog, go to the bar next door and see a graphic blowjob on every tv
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
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Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
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