i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I seem to have left my pride at pride
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just go to your happy place. Mine is with Jake Gyllenhaal & schnapps
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
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