i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
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i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
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