Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
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he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
my roommate would be appalled if she knew how many times i've peed in the kitchen sink
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SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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