she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize