I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I snuck a teenager into a club last nite, I felt like such a criminal. It was Awsome
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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