Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
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Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
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It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
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