Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I love black thongs
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
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The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
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