I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
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I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
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I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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