Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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