After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
My vagina just clenched in fear
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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